Today is Easter. It’s Ross’s favorite holiday. It’s also two months since we lost Reese, so it’s bittersweet. I’m not what I would consider a religious person, but my faith did grow during the five days we had with Reese and I know how important it is to Ross so I make sure to watch church with him every year online. He spent time in Kansas City after college and attended a church there that streams services online. It’s not my religion but I do enjoy watching it with him.
This year the Pastor giving the sermon said two things that really stuck out to me. One was a Mark Twain quote, “the two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why”. We had watched our friends become parents for years, and we always listened to them say how amazing it was. We never knew that to be true until the day Reese was born. The minute I laid eyes on him, I knew I was born to be his Mom. Truth be told, the minute I saw the positive pregnancy test back in late September, I knew I was born to be my baby’s mom. Bringing him into the world was the single most important thing I would ever do and I wanted to do it well. Even though he was born so early and left us so soon, I knew I was put here on this earth so I would create the most beautiful little boy that would in turn have such a huge impact on so many lives. Reese was my why, and even when little brother or little sister joins the family, he’ll continue to be my why.
The other thing the Pastor said was “the worst thing is not the last thing”. Some might take that as meaning something religious and from the resurrection, but I view it as something a little different but still meaningful nonetheless. The worst day of my life was when Reese passed away. I honestly don’t know how anything could ever be worse than the feeling of my heart breaking into a million pieces as he left us, and I don’t ever want to revisit that feeling again. But even in all the darkness, I took comfort knowing one of the two things. One, he would not be my last child. I know I will feel the love of a child and have one in my arms again. I will be someone’s Mommy eventually. Two, Ross believes (and I do too to an extent) that we will see Reese again one day. So saying goodbye on Earth, whereas it was the worst thing we’ve ever had to do, was not the last time we will be with him. Sure, it’ll be in spirit, but it will happen.
For the rest of our days, Easter (and every holiday to be honest) will be a little difficult. We will forever be missing a part of our heart and soul. However, the love we have for one another and the strength of our family bond will get us through and give us the power to smile and be happy. So if you celebrate Easter, or even if you don’t, I hope today is a good day for you filled with love, hope, and lots of candy.
In this house today, there’s a lot of Reese’s candy to go around (as I mentioned in a previous post-its Ross's favorite candy) So Reese is not only filling our hearts, but also our stomachs in a way. I'll take whatever I can get, as long as it reminds me of him.
Happy Easter!
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